well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
