your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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