The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
