can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
