i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
