I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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