also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
