Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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