She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
