it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
