Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
