girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
