i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
