So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
