Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
