he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
