umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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