If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
