too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's great music for shaving your balls
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
