I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
