After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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