The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
