i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
