You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
