I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
