I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
