3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
