discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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