were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
