Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
