i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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