My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
