If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
