You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
