why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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