I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
