allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
