currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
