New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
