Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
