if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He has the fingertips of a God
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
