One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
