His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
