Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
