I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
