when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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