Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
