Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
