I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
