And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
