I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
