its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
