i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
