Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
