Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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