You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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